fracturarpg | [mingle] the space (april).

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[mingle] the space (april).

interim mingle

( WELCOME BACK, TRAVELERS. )

There's nothing but the clatter of train tracks, and the odd feeling of almost floating.

When you wake, it's hard to tell exactly what it is that you're missing - only that you are. There are pieces that aren't quite right, even if you're not sure where those pieces would normally be. Pieces of what, exactly....? Well, if you had to put a word to it, it would be - yourself, probably. Or did you get something back recently? In addition, characters will find that they've been allowed to bring back souvenirs from this most recent trip - trinkets, nothing violent, but items that can fit in your character's pockets, whether that be sentimental or otherwise.

The place you've found yourself in is strange, certainly. It's probably worth exploring a bit. For those who have been here a while, they might notice some expansions. Though it just as easily seems that the only form of welcome or explanation that you have, comes from nothing more than a slab of marble.

It might've changed since the last time you saw it. Today it reads:

(*´ω｀)o That wasn't so bad, was it?
Hey, you know how that old song goes?
Do you believe in magic? (☆▽☆) Do ya?

Hope you found what you were looking for!

You might have changed since the last time you saw yourself too - perhaps with a new emblem on your clothes, or a portrait on your skin. In addition to that, it seems like Home Base is on the fritz again…?

It seems that suddenly and at random, characters will be able to suddenly see visions of memories that aren't their own flash before their eyes. Pieces of your lives or where you were before this will suddenly slam into other's heads, as clearly as if they experienced the event and the feelings themselves. You might have an inkling of where your memory went and what it was - but you'll need to talk it out with that person in order to recollect it in all its strength back to yourself. Don't you want to keep those precious parts of yourself? It's best if you don't fall more to pieces while you're here. (Memories that have been lost in fragments cannot be sent to others - that's more fun for the future!)

There's no need to fret that much though. You've already gone through the ordeal once, and you might be able to see results from it. Or maybe you'll get a glimpse of where you're going next. Even so, it's best that you don't get too comfortable, because there is still the unshakeable feeling:

There's still much more ahead of you.

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[ She gasps as she receives the memory. For someone who feels so strongly about so much, to feel these deadened emotions, to feel this dead is jarring. To experience undeath is not something she expected.

To be treated like that...

Her hand slips from her lap and splashes into the hot spring. ]

Wen Ning?

[ There's an unspoken question. ]

I don't think it's all fine.

[well. with that kind of reaction, he's sure it was an unkind sort of memory, and he-- shrinks away, slightly, curls in on himself a little reflexively. without knowing what she saw, it's... hard to know what to say besides just-]

I-I'm sorry. For whichever one you saw.

[ Her brows knit. She didn't mean for him to shy away. ]

Please don't apologize for the life you had to live. You had no control over what I saw. I'm sorry for this invasion of privacy.

[ Because she doesn't know if Wen Ning would have told her himself, as self-conscious as he tends to be. He tries so hard not to be troublesome. ]

... You were imprisoned.

[he tries very hard not to let others know he's dead, as well-- the two he's told so far have taken it well, as he somewhat expected of them, but... it's hard, shaking years of people being afraid of him. hating him. it isn't like they had no reason for it.

her words do seem to ease his worry a little, though he doesn't quite look up at her even though he looks a little less tense. he remembers a little. the hazy half-awareness, the long, long time spent waiting without being sure of just how long. the chains. he rubs at his wrists, idly.]

...then you know I'm- not supposed to be like this.

[living, he means.]

[ She does know. He may not be alive, but he is still living. It is more than she can say about some people she knows (most people she knew). He's not a demon, though, and as long as she's known him, all she's seen Wen Ning want and try to do is help people (help Wei Wuxian, but now she knows a bit of why). ]

Yes. Is that why you don't want people to see you?

[ Even if it seems he's lost that part of him. ]

...yes.

[that gets a small nod, one hand reflexively coming up to rest at his chest.]

There are things I wouldn't really know how to explain.

[marks that couldn't have killed someone already dead, but scars that someone alive wouldn't have survived receiving. there's no good answer for anyone who doesn't already know.]

I won't shun you for what you are.

[ If that was one of his worries.

She's frank with an almost breeziness to her words. ]

I won't condemn you for things you wouldn't want to explain unless you did something unforgivable.

[ She cares more about what a person does more than what they are. It's just that sometimes (a lot of times), in her experience, being something makes someone more inclined to being repulsive. ]

[...hm. well. he bites his lip, there, and if he was avoiding eye contact before, he is allergic to it now.]

I was imprisoned because I... turned myself in. They were meant to destroy me for the things I did, but they must have... chosen not to.

[he doesn't have the rest of that memory that's been shared just yet, so he can only guess, really-- but he has done things he doesn't think can be forgiven. he wouldn't have given himself up, otherwise.]

[ Her brows furrow, and she frowns. Will her opinion and judgment have to shift? ]

There was talk of nails. None of it sounded like a kindness or justice. It felt like they wanted to take control of you but couldn't. You couldn't be controlled by anyone other than...

[ Wei Wuxian.

Whatever happened to him during his imprisonment didn't seem like it was justified, but... was it? Did he do something of his own will? ]

You weren't manipulated? What did you do?

[ She doesn't want to be too hasty with her judgment, but there's no reason for Wen Ning to lie here. ]

[oh. there's a slight wince at the mention of the nails, as that comes back to him. losing himself again, after having been self-aware for a while, was probably a worse punishment than destruction would have been.

and while he doesn't want to speak of it, she-- knows what he is, now. she should at least know the truth of it.]

I lost control. Someone important... was killed because of it. And when I turned myself in, as well, they-- say I lost myself again. Attacked everyone who was there. There are a number of people I've killed, since I was...

[since he was raised. a short pause, there.]

Someone else... referred to me as a weapon young master Wei could use, but also one that others could hold against him.

[ Shinobu shuts her eyes as the weight of that information settles over her. The part of her mind that knows demons likens it to when humans are first turned and vie for their first taste of blood, their first bite of flesh. Those demons should be cut down because there's no going back from that, but Wen Ning— he's different, isn't he? Bu he's also not like Nezuko, who's never killed a human.

The part of her that remembers being his sister isn't gone, and she remembers being willing to fight the entire world just so Wen Ning could feel again, just so he could do whatever he wanted without worrying and thinking so little of himself.

Does she know he won't lose control again? Is it fair to think of him not unlike a demon?

(It's not fair. The world is never fair.)

Can she separate her feelings from the logic she knows, the history she's lived?

She opens her eyes and looks at their reflections in the hot spring, at perhaps, what he usually looks like and at what a demon she could be. ]

You have a conscience, and you have remorse. You have emotions and a will, and you feel guilt. That's more than some I know.

[ But... is it enough? She's torn. She knows the world isn't black and white, and she isn't a judge and executioner. What can be forgiven? What should be disregarded? She doesn't know. ]

How do you view yourself?

[ She doesn't want to blame him, but the past can't be changed. ]

I don't... know, anymore.

[not here. not when he's suddenly been given what feels like a second chance at being properly alive, for... however long it lasts.

his reflection's not entirely how he ought to look. the eyes are completely blank, for one, making his mirrored self look less aware. more like he was when he was controlled, perhaps.]

But I know that young master Wei is here, and I can still do what I can for him. That what I've done can't be changed, or forgotten, and I might n-never really make up for any of it, but...

[a little shake of his head.]

What happens to me in the end... it doesn't matter much. I just hope to be able to do something with what I've been given, here.

[there's a moment of hesitation, before he adds:]

It's- all right if you ask young master Wei about it, too, now that you know. He's more knowledgeable than me.

You are your own person.

[ She snaps those words with a white hot intensity. She doesn't know the logistics behind what he is and how it works, but he feels enough, thinks enough, does enough to be his own person, and she wants him to find his own self. ]

More than anything, when I was your sister, I wanted you to know that. I wanted so much for you, Wen Ning.

[ It's silly to think she could ever be logical about someone she once thought as family even from another life in another world. For Shinobu, her family has always come first. Her family has always been whom she loves the most. That is something that will never change about her. ]

I wanted you to realize that what happens to you does matter! I don't care what Wei Wuxian knows about you right now. I care about what you do. How you think of yourself, how you act as yourself, how you hold yourself— that's how I will judge you! Even if Wei Wuxian can order you to do— [ She makes a frustrated hand gesture. She doesn't know the extent of what can be commanded. ] whatever he wants, I want to know what you want to do.

[that gets him to look at her, finally, eyes a little wide. that's something that should have changed, he thinks, when she realized what he is-- but it seems it hasn't, and as usual with this kind of sentiment, he's not entirely sure what to do with it.]

Miss Shinobu, I... I can be said to have died twice, already. There's only so much that someone in that sort of position can hope for.

[he's been on something like borrowed time ever since wei wuxian reanimated his body, after all.]

I want to do what I can to help everyone here.

[it's always been his answer.

but, beneath that, more selfishly... wen ning's voice is soft when he continues.]

Right now, I want... to live, too.

[ Had she found out before she gotten to know him, her reaction may have been different. There could've been murderous intent instead of her conflicting feelings and a lingering ferocity of wanting more for him. ]

If that's what you want, then live while you're here. If you want to do good with your own feelings and your own will, then do your best.

[ Even if his guilt and his crimes can't be erased, that shouldn't stop him from doing what he can. ]

... When you lose control, are you aware? Are you conscious of it?

[ She unfortunately can't ignore what he said. If he still poses as some sort of danger whether or not he can control it, she wants to know. ]

[wen ning nods at that, slowly. he's trying-- he's done what he can in those other worlds, as well, something that just seems kind of inherent to every version of him. he tried when he was dead, too, but there are just... things he never would have had a chance to experience, had he stayed that way.

a little indulgence in being alive isn't so bad, maybe.

he bites his lip, though, at that last question.]

It- shouldn't be a problem, now that I'm not a fierce corpse. But I couldn't... I wasn't really aware in the moment, no.

You aren't a fierce corpse now, but you could become one again, and if you do, is it something we should think about?

[ Shinobu's compassion can run miles long, but she lost her naivete long ago.

She wants to be able to protect him as much as everyone else. If he isn't aware, there has to be a plan. ]

I don't want to needlessly worry, but I also don't want to not be prepared.

[ There's a balance somewhere. She wants Wen Ning to live as unburdened as possible, but neither of their lives have been fair. ]

I-- I understand. But to tell you the truth, I don't know. It hasn't been a problem since I was re-awakened...

[but that doesn't mean it won't be, if he does end up a corpse once more. it's not like it was an easy transition the first time, so if it happens again... there's no telling what it could be like.

he's quiet for a few moments, there, before he speaks again.]

Young master Wei really would be better to ask.

[he made wen ning what he was, after all, and is much more skilled than wen ning has ever been. if anyone would be able to prepare for it, he's the one.]

You... seemed very compelled to go to him.

[ In that memory, it seemed like there was a single-minded determination to find Wei Wuxian. How much of that was that due to the circumstances of their connection, and how much of that was natural? ]

You were very focused on him, but... outside of that, what do you want to happen? If something happens outside of your control?

[ Even if Wei Wuxian can mitigate it and do something about it, what does Wen Ning want to happen? ]

I... I don't know.

[another, deeper furrow of his brow.]

What's best for everyone, whatever that might mean. I've-- already hurt a lot of people, before.

[he doesn't want it to repeat here. he's not sure he could handle the people he's become friends with here shrinking away from him, or treating him like he might harm them, now that he's gotten used to things being so normal.

for certain values of normal, all things considered.]

Your remorse means more than you know. If that is what you truly wish, I'll keep it in mind.

[ If that's his will with his happiness and the safety of others in mind, she won't ignore it. As a demon slayer, she is mentally prepared. As herself, she is also prepared to a point.

For any certain value of normal, Wen Ning receives this memory. On this rooftop, as he sits next to this boy with a kind soul, he feels a simmering anger that ebbs and flows but is never gone. Even through his surprise at being called out, even through the solemn gravity of recalling the sadness of reality for people's lives ruined at the hands of demons, despite or in fact because of the bottomless grief that comes with the memory of his sister's death, the anger remains.

He wants to honor his sister's wishes no matter what, but it won't erase the resentment. ]

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[mingle] the space (april).

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