fracturarpg | intro log.

Entry tags:

! intro

intro log.

welcome mingle

( AND SO IT BEGINS. )

There's nothing but the clatter of train tracks, and the odd feeling of almost floating.

When you wake, it's hard to tell exactly what it is that you're missing - only that you are. There are pieces that aren't quite right, even if you're not sure where those pieces would normally be. Pieces of what, exactly....? Well, if you had to put a word to it, it would be - yourself, probably.

The place you've found yourself in is strange, certainly. It's probably worth exploring a bit. Though it just as easily seems that the only form of welcome or explanation that you have, comes from nothing more than a slab of marble.

Well - that, and all the people who seem to have woken up alongside you, lost and also probably Doing Their Best™.

There's no need to fret that much though. It's hard to say exactly where you're going next, even though some places might feel a little bit more like a clue, but what you do know is one unshakeable thing:

There's still much more ahead of you.

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[THANKS KANO YOU'RE A REAL PAL. He'll take the offered ketchup packet, curiously flipping it over in his hands a few times before putting the open end in his mouth. At least he doesn't eat the whole thing in one go...]

—A vegetable? Are you sure? This is too sweet! There's no way this is healthy.

[Ketchup is hellish on ye olde tastebuds.]

[ Thank god he doesn't swallow the entire packet, because as hilarious as that is, it'll be a sad death because Kano won't be able to save him. ]

Yep~ It's a vegetable! There's sweet vegetables? Like... um...

[ Sugar cane? That's probably not healthy, though. Kano hands him a mustard packet to offset the sweet. ]

Well, never mind~ What's your verdict on this one?

[Kano just there, standing over the body of an idiot man who died as stupidly as he lived.

ANYWAY he just accepts that there's no mystery sweet vegetable to compare this to. It's fine! Having absolutely not learned his lesson the first time, he also takes the mustard packet easily and is TASTING THAT, TOO.]

—Oh! This one is much better. It's a little sour? Doesn't taste like any vegetable I've ever had, though.

Mm, yep!

[ Kano's not actually sure if mustard is a vegetable. There are mustard greens but not mustard yellows, so... it doesn't matter. ]

Here, you can stock up on them~

[ He gets a handful of mustard packets handed to him, and also a relish packet placed on he very top of the mound. ]

Try that one! It's green, so it's, like, some sort of vegetable!

[ Pickles and something else. It also doesn't matter. ]

[STOP GIVING HIM CONDIMENTS TO EAT LIKE THEY'RE FOOD. Wei Wuxian will not stop eating them like they're food!! Watch him get through the wholeass game without a single soul telling him he's been eating stuff that's supposed to go on top of actual food, god.

He'll wear that packet open too, shoving the rest of the mustard ones into his... sleeve. ANYWAY. Wow that sure is a wild texture.]

—Even more sour than the last one! How strange. It tastes like cucumber?

[For some reason, it's this that he can identify well...]

[ IT'S FOOD!! Look, it comes conveniently packaged for single servings and everything. ]

Yeah! You got it! I think it's cucumber, and some other stuff? Like, secret ingredients and whatever, so I dunno what goes into 'em~

[ It doesn't matter.

Next on the food tour is more little packets, with Kano picking up a single pink one, a grey one, and a white. ]

Here, here~ The first two come from some sort of vegetable, and the third one's a rock?

[ It's sugar, pepper, and salt. ]

["SECRET INGREDIENTS" NOW HE WANTS TO KNOW. He's turning the packet over in his hand but tragically, nothing indicates what's inside beyond the big ol RELISH written on the front. Hm.

Well he'll just wrap that up in a napkin and stow it away, too. Taking the next set of packets, though! He shakes them around a bit... Fortunately knows salt and sugar already, but pepper in this form is too far out in the distant future for his ye olde ass.]

—A rock?! You can't introduce a food like that and expect me to eat it!

[He says, already tearing all three packets open to pour into his open palm. The salt and sugar immediately blend together, god.]

Hm. How are you even supposed to eat these? All at once? Do you mix it in with the relish?

You sure can eat rocks~ It's like, um, cinnamon?

[ Cinnamon isn't a rock. But it's hard like a rock, and that's good enough. Kano leans in and uses a finger to swirl together the three seasonings so it's one light grey pile, and wipes his hand on his pants after pulling his finger away. ]

It's your first time, right? If that's the case, you gotta try it in its purest form first!! Just go ahead and lick it off your hand~

[Cinnamon isn't a rock but he's just letting this maniac blurt out nonsense and mix his seasonings together. This is the worst. He tentatively sniffs at it this time at least?? Not that that saves him, because he absolutely still licks it off his hand, anyway.

He's immediately making a face... And then looking considering?? He's basically just doing this.]

—Surprisingly inoffensive! That actually isn't too bad. Not sure about the pepper, but salt and sugar go surprisingly well together. Don't know why I haven't done it before!

[ It's surprising to Kano too, but all's well that ends well— and maybe he shouldn't be so surprised, if he thinks about it, because all delicious food is loaded with salt and sugar, aren't they? ]

Told you so~ Never had 'em in the little packets, right? Make 'em real convenient to carry around, and you can adjust the amount of salt and sugar too! Is the pepper no good? Maybe you should try it on the relish and see if that's any good~

[ Kano helpfully picks up a relish packet, tears the corner, and takes Wei Wuxian's hand so he can squeeze relish onto his palm. ]

[HIS HANDS ARE A MESS. WHY DOES HE KEEP LETTING KANO DO THIS!! He's so unbothered by literally any gremlin antics though that he'll just carry right along as if taste testing condiments in a magic void train is normal. Good thing there (presumably) aren't any employees around to judge them (maybe).

He'll just grab another pepper packet, ripping the corner with his teeth and gently tap-tapping it out over the relish. He'll taste that mess, too, but seems much less keen on this one.]

Mmm... Not a very winsome combination. They're both strong flavors and not very complimentary - I wouldn't suggest this one! Salt and sugar, yes. Relish and pepper, no. But pepper and mustard might be alright! Here - you should try some, too.

[JOIN HIM IN HELL.]

[ WHY DOES HE KEEP LETTING KANO DO THIS. None of this is Kano's fault. He won't accept any responsibility. But he supposes he's messed around enough, so he'll go to hell, I guess.

Kano leans over and licks Wei Wuxian's hand.

...

He's right, it's pretty terrible. ]

[THAT'S NOT WHAT HE MEANT but you know what he's had weirder and grosser shit happen today than some stranger licking relish and pepper off of his hand. This is just his life now, he accepts it with open arms so it can't bulldoze him.]

See? I told you! It's not good at all. We'll definitely need to find something else that matches relish better because it's just going to be lonely and sad all by itself at this rate.

[Truly a tragic fate??]

[ There was no choice but his hand because Kano wasn't about to spread relish and pepper over his own. He at least has the courtesy of swallowing instead of spitting it back on Wei Wuxian's hand, which was a very real possibility. ]

Right! Okay! Operation Relish Match is a go!

[ It has to be some sort of powder, so Kano looks around for that sort of thing: there's a hot chocolate packet, cayenne powder, and the chicken flavored seasoning from a package of instant ramen. ]

Here, okay, hold out your arm...

[ Wei Wuxian's hand is already sullied with pepper, so Kano has to squeeze globs of relish onto his arm to mix and taste test with. ]

[THANKS KANO for sparing him this one thing... Even if his entire arm is about to be sacrificed to the Operation Relish Match cause. It's fine! He'll helpfully pull up his 50 million layers of enormous billowy robesleeves, and some stuff probably falls out as he does so. Like other snacks. Wrapped soft pretzels, laffy taffy, things he's scavenged from other carts...

ANYWAY. Holding very still for the condiment mixologist to get crackin.]

That one already smells like a disaster.

[The HOT CHOCOLATE ONE.]

The rest might be alright, though! What's that one - chicken? Did that say chicken? Chicken and cucumber is a nice combination, that one should be just fine!

Yeah, chicken and cucumber! Save that one for last, or you'll be biased~

[ Kano squeezes the relish on Wei Wuxian's arm, tries to empty the packets so it'l sit there in a mound instead of lightly dusting the relish, and most of it falls off anyways when Kano mixes it around with his finger. The finger gets wiped on a bare spot of Wei Wuxian's arm in between each mixing, too...

There we go. Do the hot chocolate first.

In the meanwhile, Kano will helpfully stoop to pick up the fallen snacks, and unhelpfully sticks them in his own pocket. He will not be giving them back. ]

[Wei Wuxian does not at all seem to mind the snack pilfering going on here, or the fact that his arm is now just as much of a mess as his hands. One has to be doing some Truly Nefarious Deed to actually get under his skin, and most gremlin acts never reach that level... Kano will be able to get away with SO MUCH WITH THIS SHITHEADED FERAL RACCOON MAN.

He carefully dips his pinky into the hot chocolate relish one, though. After a taste:]

...Yep! The nose doesn't lie, that one is definitely the worst thing so far. Very bad, nothing redeemable about it. Remember it in case anyone ever irritates you!

[Just feed them relish and hot chocolate and they'll immediately cry uncle.]

What's the second one, again?

[ He is enjoying this so much, when back home he couldn't even do so much as open his mouth without getting kicked in the gut and his spine nearly broken.

With the relish and hot chocolate verdict out, Kano goes ahead and pockets one of each packet so he can make the concoction for any irritating people; thanks for the advice. ]

The second's, mm, pepper but it's a different sort of pepper, 'cause look, it's red! It makes the relish look kinda pretty?

[ Prettier than grey and green, but who knows if it'll taste any better. The color is probably the only redeemable factor. ]

[THAT'S TERRIBLE, KANO. Sometimes you just gotta find fellow gremlins who Enable The Chaos. He nods approvingly when he sees Kano squirreling away his condiments for future revenge endeavors, moving on to the next pile of... arm relish.]

It does, I agree! And things with peppers are usually good, anyway. Anything can be made palatable if the spice is strong enough to numb your tongue!

[He says, as if any level of spice is enough to do that for him?? But he'll dip his finger, take a little taste - cayenne is nowhere near spicy enough for him, but he seems much more pleased about this selection.]

Not bad! It tastes a little like smoked meat? The relish is a little strange as an accompaniment, but I think anything would taste better after that first one.

[ Palatable and tongue numbing seem to be at odds with one another, but Kano can't handle spices very well, so maybe it's just him, looking disappointed for a moment before fixing his expression into something more impressed that Wei Wuxian is fine with pepper relish. ]

Looks like this combo is a win~ Those sorts of things go well together, right? Better keep a spread for when you find actual smoked meat! In the meantime, you can keep some of the, um, palatability peppers for everything else~

[ Kano picks up a single relish packet and handful of cayenne ones to stick up Wei Wuxian's sleeve, but he has no idea how it all stays up there so maybe they all slide right back out onto the floor anyways. ]

Last one up is this... dehydrated chicken thing! Can you imagine? An entire chicken, cooked and dried and ground up in a little packet of powder! All you need is one of these and some mustard and you got all your meat and veggies for the day~

[WHAT A LITTLE GREMLIN CHILD Wei Wuxian absolutely notes that disappointment and finds it hilarious... He also raises his arm as soon as Kano stuffs packets into his sleeve, so they slide back into The Void where everything rests. It's fine. His robes are a mystery and kind of horrifying.]

Haha, wouldn't it be something else if getting a meal were so simple? It would save so much time and worry!

[ESPECIALLY FOR PEOPLE LIKE HIM who get wrapped up in projects and just forget to eat for days on end... Tap tap! He dips in a finger to taste.]

—Salty. [FIRST AND FOREMOST.] And not actually much like chicken? I'm surprised! I thought this one would be my favorite but it's not actually that good.

Not as good as red pepper relish, huh?

[ Kano pokes a finger at Wei Xuxian's arm, but only in the chicken powder part and none of the relish to taste test. ]

Hm~ Well, food always tastes kinda different if they're processed, but, like, all the important stuff's in there! Nutrients and electrolytes or whatever.

[ He will never want for sodium in his diet if he eats a packet of this every day. Anyways, it's not meant to be eaten all by itself anyways, so Kano takes another ramen packet, removes the actual block of ramen out of the package and starts squeezing relish onto it, then opens up the fake chicken flavoring and another packet of cayenne pepper to sprinkle on top before holding it out to Wei Wuxian. ]

Carbs, meat, and veggies~ A balanced diet. You can live off this sort of stuff, and it's super lightweight and everything~

Not as good, no! How sad.

[SO SAD. He'll go fetch a napkin with his free hand, though, holding it carefully.]

Want to taste any of this before I clean up? You'd be missing out on an important life experience otherwise and that would be sad, too.

[This fuckin ramen block he's being offered looks absolutely horrific, though?! He takes it, somehow fucking balancing it on his pointer and middle finger while he keeps the napkin tucked between his thumb and the remaining two, instead of just, you know. Switching the napkin to his relish taste-testing arm or grabbing it with that.]

You really are prepared for the life of a-- train-dweller?

Sure am~ Here, I'll help you with that!

[ He will take the napkin and wipe off Wei Wuxian's arm so he can/have no choice but to enjoy the ramen monstrosity to its fullest. The napkin is going directly into the trashcan, or deposited on an empty seat the moment nobody is looking, because he absolutely does not want a taste of any of that. ]

I practically grew up in one of these places, so I know all the ins and outs of dwelling on a train~ Any secret recipes you want to know, you can always ask me!

[DON'T LITTER YOU TERRIBLE GREMLIN not that Wei Wuxian would stop him but Lan Wangji is probably out there, lurking, waiting to bring the rules hammer down on both of them.]

You grew up on a train, you mean? Sounds like an experience. You could go anywhere you wanted that way, couldn't you? Or maybe that's just this train, haha.

[This magicass train that's absolutely skewing his perception of what a train is in general... ANYWAY, he'll break off a chunk of this godawful concoction, getting crumbles of dried noodle and sprinklings of powder all over the floor. After popping it into his mouth, he hums agreeably!]

—Not good! Nope. Are these-- [WHAT EVEN ARE THEY. They looked like noodles, but hard and in a block??] -noodles supposed to be flavorless? That's a bad idea. No wonder you have to add a thousand things to it!

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